3. To Mother PRIVATE

It seems highly likely that during his training in South Africa, Stephen felt the need to write a very special letter to his mother.
The letter is not dated.

        Dearest Mother.

            Just a line in all seriousness to my Dear Dear Mother.  Mother I know how you think and worry about me, there is really no need as the casualty list here is the lowest possible, there has only been one fatal accident since the course began.

            But you know, in my job, things do happen and if anything happened to me I could not bear not to have written you such a letter as this, sometime in my life.

            I suppose, as I look back I realise I have not led a good life, apart from music there was nothing that meant much to me.  If I even understood myself, things would have been better and I might not have grieved you so much.  When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining, the sky was a lovely blue and it was just such a day when Jack and I woke up at Ambleside many months ago.

            I never realized how wonderful those days were until now.

            It is funny how one appreciates the best things when it is too late - I wonder if ever those days will come again.

            Also I miss Martin, and I realize how I never realized before how I loved Martin.  No man had a truer or a finer friend.  I wish I could see Martin now and tell him everything.  He made me love real music and that was equal to making me believe in God for that was the only way I could see him.